Contrary to what you might be expecting, this post is not about politicians and their pompous announcements, nor about the various international committees and their bombastic statements.
This post is about something much more important – hilarious things our grandchildren have come up with or done. Or both.
*Note: all names have been changed to protect the
I will start with my 2 year old granddaughter, whom I will call *Rachel. Rachel is a very bright little girl, perhaps a little too bright. One could really call her a little monkey, not least for her habit of swinging in and out of her little sister’s cot, not by putting one foot in front or above the other, but by hanging on with her hands and swinging herself over the rails like Tarzan on a vine. She also likes to take her clothes off at the least (or no) provocation, but that’s just by-the-way. Oh, she also likes to pour water onto her bed “just to see what happens”. And empties out kitchen drawers at night when everyone is asleep…
One Shabbat morning her parents overslept. “How wonderful” they thought. “All the kids are still asleep”. But the uncomfortable feeling that things were a little too quiet crept into their consciousness, and Rachel’s dad (our son) got out of bed to have a look. He found Rachel in the middle of the lounge, ecstatically wallowing in the contents of a complete bottle of liquid soap which she had poured all over the floor, having already stuck all her big sister’s stickers on the floor too. When she saw her father she tried to stand up but of course she couldn’t. She kept slipping in the soap! Eventually after a slippery struggle, her father got her into the shower – which she absolutely hates- while her mum had to hose down the lounge until bubbles were coming out of the front door.
On his return from shul, Rachel’s dad noticed she was sitting there with her tongue hanging out, and she wouldn’t speak properly. “Have you eaten something Rachel?” he asked. “Ah ah” she answered. Eventually her big sister figured out that she’d found yet another bottle of liquid soap and had taken a slug.
Rachel’s fascination with toiletries continued last week when her parents woke up on Friday morning to find she had unravelled a 40-roll packet of toilet paper. Yes, that is 40 rolls of loo paper unrolled in a 40 sq. metre caravan.
Oh, I forgot. She had also nicked a green felt pen from her big sister while she slept and coloured in her face and hands, to quote her father “completely green, no skin showing at all. She looked like an alien”. I asked whether he had at least taken photos. “No”, he replied. “I was too busy being angry.”
Such a shame. We could have done with the laugh.
Next up is another granddaughter (we have quite a few) who I shall name *Giselle. Giselle has never met a calorie she didn’t like. One Shabbat, her mum (our daughter) had made a cake for afternoon tea. After lunch, as usual, Giselle whined “I’m hungry”. Her mum said “there is no way you can be hungry after that big lunch. You can take a fruit or vegetable if you want”. So Giselle took a cucumber. Then a pepper. (She’s a very ecumenical eater). After a while she disturbed her parents who were trying to get some well-needed rest, and said “I’m still hungry. Can I have some of that cake?”. Her mum answered that the cake is for tea.
“Okaaay”, huffed Giselle impatiently. “I’ll have another cucumber. But perhaps when I’m in the kitchen I’ll make a mistake and take some cake by accident”.
Luckily for her, that “accident” didn’t happen.
And finally we come to little *Chaim, almost 3 years old, who like his cousins, is expecting a little brother or sister shortly. His mum (my brother’s daughter) explained to him that she will be giving birth soon, and that she will be breast-feeding the new baby. Chaim was quite fascinated by the whole process, and after he had had a bit of a think about it all he asked his mother “if you’re going to feed the baby milk, why do you need 2 sides?”. Before his mum could think of an answer, he came up with a satisfactory explanation for himself.
“I know!” he announced. One side is for milk, and the other for the cornflakes!”.
Share your funny kids’ gems and stories in the comments and enjoy!